Thinking of you

Bila aku pergi tempat jauh-jauh (dalam tahun ni). Aku mesti terfikir dekat dia. Which I called Mr. Idiot. Aku tertanya-tanya.

" Kenapa aku mesti fikir tentang dia ? Why him ? Aku dah takde kaitan dengan dia lagi. "

Hati pula terdetik. " Do I still love him ? Tak, tak.. Our relation is not the real one. Cinta alam maya je kan. "

Then again.. Fikiran aku akan flashback balik detik-detik indah bersama. Cee.. Indah la sangat. 
Daripada dia minta aku jadi girlfriend dia sampai our breaking up moment. Tapi bukan semua yang aku ingat. Just the sweet moment ( ? ) :)

Hairan, hairan

Kenapa rasa bersalah tiba-tiba bila aku pergi somewhere far from my house ? Is this happened because of what I did to him last year ? Leaving him in doubt, waiting for me to reply his chat ? Leaving him out without telling him where I'd go ? Letting him think that I suddently gave him a cold shoulder ? My Idiot.. There's no such thing. I left you without a word because I want to see your reaction. I never thought you would break our relation that easily. I never ever thought that would happened. :')
I thought you would worried if something bad happened to me. Tapi sangkaan aku meleset sama sekali. Dia tak fikir panjang. Dia buat kesimpulan dia sendiri, yang mengatakan aku tinggal dia dia dengan sengaja. Aku tahu semua tu salah aku. Aku sepatutnya bagi tahu dia sebelum aku pergi. Aku tahu aku tak fikir panjang. But people do mistakes right ? Im not an angel who didnt do wrong. I am not an angel. Aku hanya manusia biasa yang tak boleh predict masa depan. Aku tak boleh buat semua tu.

Sampai bila ?

Sampai bila aku nak mengharapkan yang tak pasti ? Bukan ke aku sepatutnya enjoy life aku sekarang ? Aku dah tak perlu buat benda yang aku tak nak. Dia bukan boleh bagi aku kebahagian yang aku cari. ( Duhh-- cakap macam dia la jodoh aku )
He's my nobody. My nobody, I repeat. 

Right after I make the promise

Assalamualaikum.

Dear Dark,

Right after I make that promise.. I broke it up right away--
I promise I wont shed tears for him ever again.. But when my heart say-- he's ignoring me right after he start the conversation hurts me a lot..
I cried.. Dark, I cried. Just a moment ago. I can still feel the warm of my tears.
How my breath felt like. I can still feel it all. :')

Why do he has to do that ? I didnt ask for him to start a conversation with this pitiful me. I didnt ask for it. But-- why he has to do this ? 

Dark,

I cried too much.. Too much than I imagine. It feels like in one of those time when I was a little girl. When I cried for someone to understand the little me. SORROW. Just that in this pitiful girl's life, just that. 

'' And it was rain in the bedroom when everything is wrong. Its rain when you here and its rain when youre gone. '' 

That lyric keep spinning in my head. Yeah. Thats what he is to me now.
How sad-- 

I should have blocked you when you ask me to let go. I shouldnt have ask for us to still befriend. If I'd know it would turn out this way.. I wouldnt even approved your friend request... I wouldnt dare to do that. 

Dark, 

Why this thing happened to me ? My heart can bear this pain alone.. Its too hard. I cant holding on for too long. 

I know maybe he's not the one for me. I know we arent meant to be. I know it all.
Pfft-- its not even real relationship. Im taking it too serious right ? Silly me. Im too stupid. Way way too stupid............