Have you ever thought ?

Assalamualaikum ~ <3

Dear Dark,

HAPPY VERY BELATED NEW YEAR 2013 TO YOU !!!
Gomen ne ~ I thought so many time to say those thing to you but school took my time damn much ! =='' So.. Im sorry 'kay ?

Dark, 

Today, I wanna confess something...
Lately.. They keep asking me 'Dont you want to talk to her again ?' (my EX- bestfriend)
You know what in my mind ?... 

>>> DEAR GIRLS, 
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT.. IF I GET CLOSE TO HER AGAIN, SHE MIGHT BACK STABBING ME. AGAIN ? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT.. IF I GET CLOSE TO HER AGAIN, I MIGHT GET REALLY REALLY CLOSE TO HER AND START TO LEAVE YOU GIRLS A SIDE ? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT.. WE MIGHT CANT BE LIKE WE'RE NOW BECAUSE OF HER ? <<<

That things always there in my mind. ALWAYS, I repeat. Its my choice right ? Do you really think I should befriend with her again ? Why ? Tell me WHY ? At least give me 5 REASONS for that. I dont understand why. I already forgive her and those 2 stupid girls a very long time ago. I didnt holding a grudge over them at all. Then, should Im the one who start the conversation again ? Huh.. You kidding me ? Im not that easy to deal with. I have heart, I have feeling. If you cant imagine for being in my place then KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT ! I dont need any idea or you to lecture me ! I know well HOW MYSELF WORK ! 
And after all these days I forgive and tried to forget about she had done.. All she do these while is bad-mouthing me behind my back ? Im asking.. Did she really DESERVE MY APOLOGY ? Did she play the protagonist all these time and Im the antagonist ? Dont make a joke. I HAVE NEVER TELL THEM WHAT YOU DID TO ME. ALL THESE TIME. AND I GET IS THAT ? YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. :) 
Dont make me talk to you face-to-face. Cause I dont know what I might do. Im not so good, you see. 

Dark, 

Why is it so hard for them to understand me ?... What a sad life-- *chuckles* Only him know if Im not fine. Right ? Even though.. He didnt know me in real life... Even though.. He didnt know in what tone am I speaking to him. He still know me well.. Even just for awhile.. He know whenever Im sad.. Im depressed.. Im happy.. He know it all.. So why cant do the same ? 
Even though I act colder to him than them.. Just why ? D':
Its sad to think.. cause they know me longer. They know me in real life. But they cant understand me like he did... Its sad--

Dark,

I know its no use in telling you all this. But I feel better when I told you. :)
Thanks for being there my 'friend' . ^^ Love you so damn much ! cx
'kay ~ till we meet again. xDD
Wassalam. ;)




p/s : His b-day coming soon. Im drawing something for him. I will show you. :)
Happy belated new year to him, too. *smiles sadly*