MY CONFESSION

Dear Dark,

Yesterday.. When I realised-- he deactivate his account. (current one) Now.. How am I supposed to full filled my promises ? I thought tomorrow I can tell him my long awaited result. (PMR) I wanna tell him what my result is. Because he accompany me every single night during my night classes. He make me feel at ease saying I can make it well. Now-- What am I supposed to do ? I cant tell him. Facebook the only way I can talk to him. I have no other way. What am I supposed to do ? He reply to my message yesterday. But I didnt think it would be the last one. I even act cold toward him. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ???

Dark,

I cried last night. Sadly to say. Again. I. Burst. Into. Tears. I thought I will be fine. But Im not fine at all. I really fall in love with him. And I thought I couldnt fall in love again after 'that guy'. But he opened up my heart. He make me break the wall around me. I owe him a lot !  Then why did he left just like that ? Breaking his own promises. I know this is just social-network relationship but-- I do take it seriously. Way way too serious. I need you. Even though youre not mine. I need you the most right now. I know I hurt you a lot. But thats me being childish. I love you in my own selfish way. Why cant you see ? :'c
I want you so badly. When you confessed I was damn happy. So happy and I cant think about anything at all. Hopeless. Thats what I am right now.  I missed you called me 'Eve'. No one gonna called me with that name again-- No one. No one can get me like you did. No one can make me laugh, smile, sad, annoyed, flustered-- Like you did. No one. 
Gawd-- Now I want to cry again. More importantly, you make me cry more than 'that guy'  can make me. Thats show how much I cared. I missed you. I miss you. I'll miss you. There's no way I can get rid of this feeling. Why cant you see right through me right now ? That you the one who I need the most ? I need you. I need you. I NEED YOU !

I know your break up reason-- Not your real reason. I wanna know the truth. Why wont you tell me the truth ? I.. I need to know them. From the start-- You didnt even cared to tell me something important to you. That passed away relative. That bad cough of yours. That exam you will faced on the same week as mine. Your work. 
Yeah. I know them now at least. But-- Im tired of being last to know. Am I that important to you before ? Do you really care ? You always. Always leave without a sign during our conversation. You always make me wait. Leave me hanging up-- thinking what possible. You make your own conclusion whenever we fight. Youre impatient. Youre forceful sometimes. You being cold toward me. You way way too flirty with those girls and make me jealous. But I never told you.. I did. Your winking emotion [ ;) ] I like the most. Your naughty thought. Your dare. You being serious. You being childish. The mature you. Your single ' Hey ' make me smiling. (sometimes I laughing alone like an idiot) YOUR EVERYTHING. I LOVE THEM ALL. ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THEM. I dont care to wait for you. Because I know you will come to me. Just like yesterday. I know you will came to me. But I woke up way too late. I regret it. I dont care you make me sad. Because I know you will make me smile soon after that. I love you. I really do. I really do---

Im scared to lose something precious. I told you. Now I lose my precious thing. What am I supposed to do ? Its hard for me. Too hard. No one can make me smile right now. Besides, you. No one--  Ah-- ! Just if you can read this post of mine. I bet you will understand why I needed you the most...

I am cold toward you because if I dont I will easily falling even harder for you. I have to faced this problem alone. I cant involve anyone with this. :)
I have to be strong. But still I wont give up on US. Even there's no ''us'' anymore.




P/S : I still love you. And I will always do.